Breathe, Jazz, Breathe...

 

It's Sunday again!!! xD

What a jolly, happy Sabbath day ^_____^

Today, Alfred & I were supposed to represent MYF for Offering of Praise.

But, Alfred just suddenly refused to sing.

[Yupe, I still keep that in my heart =/ ]

 Well, actually I can sing myself because getting another person to sing is more troublesome for there was less than 1 week to practice.

In conclusion, I sang myself. 

Mr. Right was there and I was super nervous! When he was sitting in front, he and his friend turned around and smiled at me. I was like : Gosh!!!

Then, butterflies flew around in my stomach, I felt so nervous and I sang the song badly. After singing, little girl told me Mr. Right and his friend video-recorded me!

*gasp!*  

Yupe! Fine, whatever. 

To cut the story short, he came and spoke to me. 

Owh yes! Mr. Right! He said: " Good singing!" 

And both his thumbs were up. 

And he smiled at me! *melting!*

I just smiled back (blushing) and walked around 

while trying my very best not to scream or look overreacted. 

Then, little girl kept saying things that made me and is still making me regret.

" Why you so fast walked away? Why you didn't talk to him? I spied on him you know! He didn't walk away but you walk away. Should talk to him maar..." dot dot dot

Ish ish ish!

But anyway, awesome day laar~ Hope to see him again next week! ^____~

--Love You so much, Lord!--

 

Dot dot dot

You said you tried, and gave up.

I tried too, but you made me give up.

I regretted texting you. You suck!

You suck to the ends of the earth for hurting my friend like that, A.L.!!!

Feel like punching you but my I'll hurt my hands.

Urgh~~~

I can't believe you're saying such mean things to me.

Since you won't be reading, I should? Rejoice? Hurray? Hallelujah?

My gosh... Get over it laar~ I've stopped thinking about you already, why can't you?

I feel so innocent. i didn't know you'll be checking out my FB that often. I didn't know you'll get hurt by reading my posts. I'm not even talking about you! What the hall?!?!

The 2nd time~

Going to church is more fun with you around ^________^

After 2 weeks, I saw him again. Who? MR. RIGHT!!!

And again, I got the wrong guy >______<

When we were looking at Mels' interesting T-shirt, he and his friend walked past. I was like:  "Owh my gosh... there he comes again." Amy, Mels and Alyson would know what's on my face =X

This time, his friend kept staring at me because I kept looking at him. Perasan betul. 

Later in the sanctuary, I spotted another guy which is more handsome. Which is actually Mr.Right. He was having the blue bottle again! Means, the first guy I saw outside the church, again, was Mr. Wrong.

Mistaken for the 2nd time! Unbelievable.

Both of them looked almost the same. But of course Mr. Right was more handsome. Wakakakakaka. Looking forward to next Sunday! xDD

Jasmine ni tak boleh control your face.

--Nikki @ Quiksilver, Kuantan

Fine!

CNY this year. Not that bad.
I'm fine. Getting better now.
I can smile! :)

Gahh...so lame. Exams exams exams T__________T

Already Gone~

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

dot dot dot

No, I'm not jealous.
Since you put it that way,

I got nothing to say~ 

May be you guys are right. 

# I need to grow up!!! >__<

not alone this year's Valentine's~~ ^__~

End of the story?

Sorry, I saw your note that you wrote to her. I was very curious. This curiosity hurt me badly. I know times are different, that the gift, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter anymore. 

I know I can't talk to you in the way I was used to. I know there are a lot of things that I can't do anymore. 

Most of the time, things that you say to me, make me wanna continue holding onto you. But the things that you do, clearly showing that you're not worth it anymore. 

Again, I'll hold this hurt, and look forward to another rainbow~ 

Hope I'll not regret doing this. Good bye for now~ =]

#__#

Today, I had some chit-chat with Chelsea, Melissa, Jia Wern, Ashvini and Chantelle. I was triggered again. Friends are really a big influence to one's life. Now I know why you're influenced by your close friends so much.

I don't know how long I'm gonna wait. 

Wait til things are really coming to an end. 

waiting for you to really leave me. 

P/S: I'm stubborn and helpless~

because...

It is because I'd rather wait for you.

If the old one is still here, the new one won't come~

Give me some time ;)

*screams!!!*

[Click to enlarge] ^^

  

  

 

I'm not bad eh? =PP

--No need to be sorry.--

--I disagree with what you say--

Where's Mr. Right?

Every Sunday, there will be the National Service participants will attend my church service. For the past 3 months and 21 days, I haven't been really look at guys. Even when I see nice-looking guys, I'll just look away for I knew I can't really look at them. LOL!

So then, now I'm free, uncontrollably those hormones are produced again. [Blaming my hormones! >__< ]  I was talking aka complaining to Enwei, Alfred and Hendriq about some stupid person, and HE walked in. He's wearing specs and a black NS cap. Natural tendency, I looked up and he was looking at me. I smiled at him and he smiled back! 

Internal monologue: Wow! He's kind of cute eh! xP 

So I continued talking, suddenly and unintentionally, I looked back, there he came walking past again. I smiled at him again, he smiled back again! Flirtatious I know! *blush*

Then service started. I was looking around for him which Enwei would say that I'm stalking. May be I was? =P

I went up to the stage during choir performance and I spotted him! He's wearing a white beany. 

Internal monologue: Hmmm... he didn't look as cute as he was when I smiled at him just now. *blur~* Who cares~

Later, most of the NS people went out. They were going back soon. I told Enwei that I wanted to give the mandarin oranges I got this morning to them. Ahhh... She just wouldn't do that with me~

Instead, Alisson agreed to come with me. SO we went. though I hesitated. Scared. Nervous. My heart was beating so quickly I could feel that it'd come out any time. 

And Alisson was like: "Jasmine, go do your thing."

"You're wasting time."

"I go in arh~"

"faster laar~"

Internal monologue: Owh c'mon Jasmine! Why are you so scared?! Aren't you used to do these?!

Fine! So I went at last. I gave it to the guy with the beany. Alisson had 3 more oranges. So I asked her to give to those on the other side. Thinking as long as I have given it to that guy, nothing else matters ^__^

Proudly, I went back into the church. After church, everyone wanted to see who's that guy. So I showed them. They didn't think he's cute. Which I agreed with them. Why him? I wondered...

Then, Alisson pointed at the guy that [accepted] her oranges. And I was like: that was the guy that I smiled at! Owh wait, means, I gave the wrong guy!!!! T_____T

While whining, I showed them Mr. Right. 

"OWh no I gave the wrong guy! How can this happen? I gave the wrong guy!..." 

--repeats infinity times~

Then Mr.Right left. He didn't look at me anymore and didn't smile at me. Where else Mr. Wrong gave me a weird smile. I was like: ahhh...not you. get lost! >__<

Sounds like it's good that I'm back?

However, I think I'm still the same. I still miss you ;)

--Your text brightens my day! ^^ --

=P

I'm not asking for a U-turn... 

I just want you to know that I still miss you. 

Like A LOT!!! =P

Nah~ not gonna 

take care of myself 

since no one 

cares anymore~ 

 

2nd day--1st time

The 1st day without you wasn't that bad. 

Though during lessons, 

I'd still stare blankly at the view outside the window, 

sighing and sighing...

The 2nd day which is today is so much worse. 

It's just hard to admit : I miss you.

I cried. 

sobbing sadly. 

thinking of the past. 

thinking of the future that will never come. 

Still wondering, why did this happen. 

Is this the best plan for me, Lord? 

This is what happened after I surrendered myself to Him~

Waiting by my phone when I wake up, 

anticipating a text that wishes me "good morning!" 

Looking at my phone every minutes, 

waiting for a text that will never come. 

It rings, but it'll never be you.

Holding my phone, hoping for someone,
to wish me "nitez". 

Give me good night kisses.

Now, I no longer care whether I'm safe or not. 

No longer mind if I hurt myself or not. 

No longer whining when I cut myself. 

No longer eat when I don't need to. 

Because, you won't care if I'm in danger. 

You won't mind if I'm hurt. 

You won't comfort me when I cut myself. 

You won't make me eat when I don't want to. 

I need to release my stress. 

Without AYe, I can still go work put myself. 

I ran at the school field. 

Felt so carefree. 

But the feeling, its just temporary. 

Looking for my socks, but I can't find it. 

trying my best to avoid the shelf at the corner, 

because I know,
the socks you bought for me
they are inside.

You have impacted my life so badly that, 

when you're gone, 

I'm left hanging in the air lifelessly. 

No! I'm not asking you to come back. 

And also won't want you to come back.

Look at things around me, 

can just remind me about you. 

All that you've done for me, 

all that we've done together. 

Every single thing, 

is whispering your the sound of your name. 

I can't regret I said that to you. 

But, it's too late.

I didn't know it affected you that much. 

I'm sorry~ guess you won't accept it...

I'll survive without you. 

But I'll not be the same anymore.

I'm changing.

I need to grow up!

Bye

Wow! What a blast! So many things have been happening that I can't even know where to start from. 1st, I got a new blog and ended up deleting it because I can't have the template that I want =__=

Yeah. Very stupid I know.

2ndly, I learnt a few techniques of self-defense during Taekwondo today. They're really interesting. I can scream and shout, I can run, and now, I can fight! ;) Well, at least defend myself from any physical attack =P

I'm seriously serious that I was seriously being myself during that time. Gahh... people say Benjamin is a whole lotsa fun to hang out with. Ask Alyson! 

BUT! I'm not appreciated. Gosh! hate that feeling. As a sir, well, he shouldn't be calling his students names, and to be frank, I'm hurt.

It's not my fault that I'm not allowed to go for training. 

It's not my fault that Christians can't learn Taekwondo.

Yeah, who on earth asks me to join Taekwondo? 

It's not my fault that the stupid admin dissolved my previous unit?!?!

//// Don't worry. Without you, I cannot still survive. ////

Regret soon?

Because of you once again,
I did something that I've never thought of doing.
Not even in my dreams...
But you,
because of YOU.
I did it...
I got scared,
I got nervous, (for no reason)
I got angry,
I got soooo.... like last year. The moment you came into my life, I knew it would not be the same anymore...
The past is the past. I would not want it to happen again...

I don't wanna to have anything to do with you~