2nd day--1st time

The 1st day without you wasn't that bad. 

Though during lessons, 

I'd still stare blankly at the view outside the window, 

sighing and sighing...

The 2nd day which is today is so much worse. 

It's just hard to admit : I miss you.

I cried. 

sobbing sadly. 

thinking of the past. 

thinking of the future that will never come. 

Still wondering, why did this happen. 

Is this the best plan for me, Lord? 

This is what happened after I surrendered myself to Him~

Waiting by my phone when I wake up, 

anticipating a text that wishes me "good morning!" 

Looking at my phone every minutes, 

waiting for a text that will never come. 

It rings, but it'll never be you.

Holding my phone, hoping for someone,
to wish me "nitez". 

Give me good night kisses.

Now, I no longer care whether I'm safe or not. 

No longer mind if I hurt myself or not. 

No longer whining when I cut myself. 

No longer eat when I don't need to. 

Because, you won't care if I'm in danger. 

You won't mind if I'm hurt. 

You won't comfort me when I cut myself. 

You won't make me eat when I don't want to. 

I need to release my stress. 

Without AYe, I can still go work put myself. 

I ran at the school field. 

Felt so carefree. 

But the feeling, its just temporary. 

Looking for my socks, but I can't find it. 

trying my best to avoid the shelf at the corner, 

because I know,
the socks you bought for me
they are inside.

You have impacted my life so badly that, 

when you're gone, 

I'm left hanging in the air lifelessly. 

No! I'm not asking you to come back. 

And also won't want you to come back.

Look at things around me, 

can just remind me about you. 

All that you've done for me, 

all that we've done together. 

Every single thing, 

is whispering your the sound of your name. 

I can't regret I said that to you. 

But, it's too late.

I didn't know it affected you that much. 

I'm sorry~ guess you won't accept it...

I'll survive without you. 

But I'll not be the same anymore.

I'm changing.

I need to grow up!