Bye Bye 2010, Hello 2011

Aiyor, I haven't been blogging for SOO long. *Blows away dust*


Well, Today is the last day of 2010. *speechless* 
I don't know what to say. This year has been quite tough. SPM and all. Church is bad. He is bad -.-

So I pray for better years to come. Go to anywhere but Kuantan. Future is abit blur~ Though I got the scholarship I have always praed for, but dad says it must be 100% tuition fee waiver. If not, I can't take it. That's just pathetically pathetic. It is God's blessing to even get a scholarship but dad is expecting a full scholarship =[


Well, keep praying and have faith in the Lord. That's all I can do.

Uncle gave a digital camera (DC) and I'm announcing it as mine. Well, it's a very old model but it's better than nothing raite? Raite.

2011 is a year of fulfillment of my dreams, a year where dreams come true. Including getting myself a DSLR with my own pay. Means I earn myself to get a DSLR. Now I got the DC, sounds like God is saying: 'You're not getting your DSLR next year so the DC is a temporary replacement. '

LOL. I hope that's my imagination run wild. God won't say that, raite? raite? raite?


I'm gonna cut my hair later. New hair for a new year. owh yeah! No regrets :DD

Anxiety and frustrations. But this is a chance for me to learn to trust in the Lord more.

Peace! ^_^ V

Last 2 days...

Last Saturday (13/11/10) and yesterday (15/11/10) were the last 2 days of my high school life. Saturday was the End of The Year Party and yesterday was just a normal school day but with Pn. Tan See Lee's retirement 'celebration'.

Saturday was fun. Practically the best day of my high school life? May be...
A lot happened this year. Somehow it felt better without the presence of AYe. I was free. Not so self-conscious.
I managed to mend a broken friendship this year. I didn't know what happened but we stopped talking since form3. Well, we talked on Facebook, texted and all but we just don't have the initiative to start talking to each other face to face at school. Urgh~ I hate this -.-

I had another broken friendship this year. We were friends for quite sometime. It happens right. Argument and all. I wouldn't say it's all my fault or all her fault but both of us were at blame.

I tend to be an initiative person most of the time, but at times I get tired with the fact in my brain knowing that: " I have to talk to you first".

So boring. Can't you talk to me first?! =[[[[

For this ex-friend ( I don't count her as my friend anymore), we are not talking. There's no need to talk, neither do I want to talk to her. I don't even wanna hear her voice. Freakishly annoying. I guess it's mainly my fault. I might still hold grudges, which I shouldn't. As a Christian, that's just not right. For a person that was so close to us before, it just seemed a bit too hard.

I pray all the time asking God to help me to forgive her and to love her as Jesus wants us to. But it's not easy. Especially I have to see her in school.. Imagine the happiness I felt whenever she's absent and I'm not ^_^

Worse still, I sit behind her during every exam this year. Including SPM. Sigh. It's okie. I woun't have to hear her voice because we're not supposed to talk. Phew~

Back to happy stuff. The party was just fun! Taking pictures with most of my buddies with a camera that doesn't belong to me (sigh)
And Jie Wen, we were close but again we stopped talking. Much awkwardness but now, we seem to be quite good already! Yay!

Good photography :D

Saw this link on facebook. After reading it, I thought it was really good!
http://thephotoletariat.com/good-photography-is-not-about-the-gear-its-about-the-story/

I wonder whether he's trying to say that iphone is good or just using the ''not-so-real camera'' is good. Don't know what I'm saying? Read that post I linked laaa~
No shame for most of my pictures are taken with my phone. Only. Owh and not to forget: Photoshop xD

So I'm gonna share a few good photographers here and their pictures. well, they all use the 'Real camera' though ._.

This is a shot by Nyen Chin. Weird name. He's a Christian. he told me -.-

Mostly landscape shots in US.

Steve's. His studio's grand opening was just 2 weeks ago :D

Komi. Most beautiful model I have seen.

By Steve too.

Of course, Calvin. 

 Komi again. This is by Eddy Ng.

Michael Chong's. Jonathan's father. 

 i thought he's better in landscape instead of potrait D:

Komi again. By Tiger Lee.

just found this talented guy yesterday. Jeremy Song :D

 Almost forgot =P

Jonathan Chong!!

That's not all but that's all for now.

a...BOOK =P

 Why Men Want SEX and Women Need LOVE

Saw this book at the store. 

Really. Tempted. To. Buy. For. I. Am. A. Hunter. =DD

Beethoven Virus

I'm currently watching: 베토벤 바이러스 Beethoven Virus

• Kim Myung Min as Kang Gun Woo / Kang Ma Eh (Conductor)
• Lee Ji Ah as Du Ru Mi (Violin)
• Jang Geun Suk as Kang Gun Woo (Trumpet)

1500m?!

yeah. tomorrow is the day where I'll be running 1500metres for my house for sports. It's so weird that they make it so early. And why can't I run on the actual Sports Day itself? DFA-ing... Maybe God doesn't wanna make it so embarrassing for me. Which definitely I'll embarrass myself >__<

So I went to school alone just now just to try out running non-stop for 1500 meters which is exactly 7 and a half rounds *gasps!*

1st try: 8 minutes

2nd try: 10 minutes

1st try: some unknown organ was aching. So I had to hold it tight so that it won't ache =/

2nd try: was tired already but the organ wasn't hurting as much as it did. Slowed down but last 2 lap I ran faster =D

But still 2 minutes slower than the 1st try.

I think it's bad. But... I shall do my best tomorrow. 1st and the last time running for Sports. By God's grace...

I'm not greedy. 1st place will be just nice to satisfy my soul. =__= 

fine. 2nd place is okie too =P

All the best, Ben'JazZ xD!!!

I'm I Me Mine Myself...

There's something in my mind that I was always afraid to confess. Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud so that the whole wide world would know what is in my mind. After a second thought, I know I can't. Because the consequences are hard to bear.

I'm Jasmine. So what? I'm DFA [Desperate For Attention]. So what? I always talk very loudly. I like to scream and shout. I like release stress like that. I like to ask a lot. I like to sing in class. I like to laugh out loud. I like to do whatever that I like to do. SO WHAT?!?!

I go for things that I like. I insist on owning things that I want. If hinting is not enough, I'll ask. I'll give up soon if I don't get it. One day, if I stop asking, you can conclude that I don't want you anymore...

I'm tired of making changes in me. I'm tired of tolerating useless complaints. I'm tired of being someone that pleases other people. Who's going to please me???

I'm tired of thinking: If I'm like that, may be he won't like it. So, I better not.

I AM WHO I AM. I don't wanna do make changes in me that I don't look like me anymore, I don't act like me anymore. If you like it, God bless you. If you don't, that's your problem. God bless you more. Take it or leave it. No more stupid useless unnecessary sacrifices... No more...

[Thanks to Jonathan for editing that photo for me. What he wrote gave me the courage to be myself :) ]

Huge~

Just for you, Enwei!!! xDD

bye~

Almost 1 year in Malaysia, she's leaving soon. [At last she's going back, leaving this horribly hot country! >__<]
Thank God I went to school on her last day at school. Will her miss her not.
Bye bye Aoi Ishiguro! xDD

SDHWSG!

I went hiking today. Again.
I went alone. Again.
I went in the morning. Again.
I cycled there myself. Again.

Unlucky me. I saw few Aunties today. Gosh they were so talkative. They can talk about everything. Plus, they mentioned something like "the bride is 3 years older than the groom".
1st time I got so offended with them.
In my mind: What's wrong with a older girl marrying a younger guy?
Swt -.-

I walked past them. But they were not slow either. In the end, I gave up. 1st time in my life. I gave up hiking up Bukit Pelindung. I stood there. Too exhausted. Panting hard. My feet urged me to turn around and go down.

Looking those talkative women in front of me. I turned around and started walking down. I felt like I'm defeated. Why didn't I have the strength to carry on?

Was it because I lost someone? Or because I got someone? I think I still miss her. Very much. Which is a bad thing. Sorry, Chien Li. I've disappointed you.

Suddenly God spoke: You shouldn't give up so easily. What have I been teaching you?
I stopped. Yeah, He's right. Why should I give up so easily? Where's that strong and courageous Jasmine?

I turned around and started walking up again. Real slow. Enjoying God's presence. Enjoying Pelindung's nature path. Which I didn't have time to do that usually.






Tut tut tut...


I went back to school to look for my 2nd life. For those who know what's my 2nd life. yeah I lost it and have been looking up and down for it.
That's when I saw that SDHWSG.
And I got scolded for going into the school.
What is wrong with him?!

There's always new things to learn in a new relationship with a new person.

I've known Svinina for 3months and 2 days. I thought I would stop counting days and forget about her. But it seems that I can't unless I have amnesia or some sort. It's not hard for me to notice her in school. Her hair, her height, her back, her skirt. Everything about her is so significant. But, are we still friends?
Well, I don't know. Of course I still wanna stay as friends. Let that moment freeze, and we'll be friends forever.
No. I don't wanna avoid her in school. I wanna approach her and say hi and play along as we used to. But this few days I saw her with her good friend which people thought she's her "girlfriend". Nevermind I guess. I'm not that important anyway. My presence won't make any difference.

NOW IS THE TIME TO SHIFT MY HOPES AND DREAMS and... ATTENTION!!!

Thanks to Svinina, I've grown and learnt more after knowing her. All the torturing and tearful days. I realized that not everyone will reciprocate your love as you sacrifice your love for them. But still, some people will appreciate us!
I'd rather face a flower than suffering so much. Sorry, I'm selfish. I can't afford to put myself in a position that I might get hurt again.

-Svinina: Still friends?-
-Love,Ben'JazZ xD-

Telepathy doesn't work anymore

I really don't know what to do. I don't know what you're thinking. You don't know what I'm thinking. Why are you having such a mood swing? Sometimes you're just nice, playing around. Sometimes you're being so rude as if I owe you all the money on earth. What can I say? What can I do? NOTHING!
I wanna tell you how I feel. I wanna tell you how much sorrow you cause me. But I can't. I care about how you feel. But is there anyone that cares for what I feel? It's my choice for what's happening now. If someone asks me whether I regret making such decision, I'll say "No" without hesitation. But I'm so sad =(
Because of you, I became so hardworking. Even my friends were shocked. And now because of you too, I slowly became lazy. Because of what you've done to me, I skipped tuition.
I might be overreacting and oversensitive. But after my friend heard about it, she said I'm not overreacting and oversensitive. It's true that you have mood swing. It's true that you're treating me badly. I'm not spreading bad rumours about you. I'm just telling a person of what's happening to me.
What I can conclude is that: Telepathy doesn't work among us anymore...

::sobs::
::minT~::

You Belong With Me

I like this song...

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me, you belong with me

Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey, isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine, I know you better than that
Hey, what ya doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry
And I know your favorite songs and you tell me 'bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

It has been a day...

It's past midnight now.
A total of ONE day.
I've been waiting for your message.
Symbols.
Picture of your contact.
Didn't appear at all yesterday.
For the pass ONE week.
I've been seeing symbols on my phone.
I'm glad.
Grateful.
Contented.
Useless.
I've been thinking when will you sms me.
Now?
or never.
The answer:
Never
for today.
I've been thinking
if you sms me
what would you say?
"why didn't you sms me today?"
"because I know you won't reply."
"How do you know I won't reply? I do reply your message right?"
"You don't. Yesterday."
Utterly useless.
You didn't sms me.
Accept the fact, Jasmine.
says Benjamin.
Helpless.
I wanna tell someone how i feel.
How "depressed" I am.
I would say.
Is there anyone?
Yes.
"I'm here."
says Jesus.
Anyone else?
No.
None at all.
Today is the day that
the Lord has made.
I'll rejoice &
be glad in it.
Not looking forward to a new day.
But
looking forward for
symbols to appear
on my phone.
Yes.
She's emo again.
says cheerful Benjamin.
"Help me, Ben!"
"No I can't! I don't think like a girl. I don't act like a girl."
Who else?
Gotta find a GIRL I guess.
I need a shoulder.
To sustain my weight.
Make me busy today.
I don't wanna think about you.

-She's emo-
-Benjamin xP-

We're blessed!

Yeah, yeah... Pastor Andy & his team came to Kuantan to share about Recess Revolution at GCC. Then, we brought them to the beach! You know laar~ KL people... heheh >__<

Back row: Darren, Ben, Arthur, Joshua, Pastor Andy
Front row: Jay, Amanda & Justina!

-Blessings-

-Benjamin xP-

First times...

First time went hiking Bulit Pelindung. With my beloved MYFers.

Alisson and Hendriq blogged about our MYF outing...Then, I shall not write anymore about it.

[Click on their names to view their blog.]

Adrian,Enwei,Alfred & Kevin...

It's raining!!!

*by Alisson!*

we both like this photo ^^

Chien Li,Enwei,Alfred & I went to ECM for Baskin Robins ice-cream on the 31st of May.

My first time of eating that ice-cream on the 31st!!!

Then, Chien Li suggested to go take the sticker photo on the 4th floor? or 3rd.

It looked very nice!!!

The time limit given was bad. We were choosing the colour for the curtain but suddenly it took our photo! hey! we weren't ready yet ! >.<

The results are these. 4 different photos.

It's obvious enough that Alfred is Alfred, Enwei is Enwei, Chien Li is Chien Li and me is me xD

Thanks guys!!!

I Don't Know!

I don't know what to do

I don't know to say

I don't know how to feel

I don't know how to say...