Aiyor...

My hair is my 1st life. What's my 2nd? 

Take a guess. It has something to do with my 1st life xDD

My 2nd hair cut of the year 2011, both suck. But thank God, this time was much better. 

At least I didn't shed any tears after this hair cut :(

Now I look like an Egyptian princess. Well, still a princess xD

Wanted to go back to the lady and tell her: Too short laa Auntie!
I always do not dare to speak up when they're cutting my hair. Then, I'd complain about the results of the hair cut. Should have gone to those expensive saloon or back to my favourite hair dresser, Eric. Pay alot but good results at least.


Lecturers gave me in total 5 assignments to be done and 1 of it is designing a poster! Here's what I did: 

I didn't take long to do this but I put a lot of effort. I really hope that my lecturer likes it ^_^

That's it. I'm going back to INTI tomorrow. Can't wait. Woots! :D

Yoyoyo!!

Sorry for updating for so long. I was.....well, occupied. Officially an Uni student 3 weeks ago. I love INTI. It's all I could ever asked for :D

But one issue there is the internet connection. Super terrible. I believe they're gonna fix it soon. The line is so bad that I couldn't blog at all and have to come back to Kuantan to blog. Then I realized that my lappie just couldn't blog. Which is frustrating. How to solve this problem? :(

First time being really away from parents and nope, I'm not having any problem with that because...

I will survive! :D

Let me introduce some new friends I met during OLE which is a short form for Orientation. 

This is my leader in my group. Funny guy xD

This is Crystal, my roommate. She's just like a small girl. 

I feel like I'm taking care of her all the time. Owh well :)

This is the group photo of the March intake newbies. They said we're few in numbers compared to the January intake batch =|

This is my group picture. Our group name is Rango. Don't ask why.

I'm in red. And that's Ah Yao next to me. If you're following my tweets then you'd know who I'm talking about now.

Ah Yao is acting a lil' weird recently and people think it's my fault. 

Well heyy! I didn't do anything. *innocent face*

Yao Yao. Where have you been? I missed you :'(

That's all for now. Yesterday was mum's birthday and also 1st night of Revo Kuantan. Surprisingly dad allowed me to drive to MS Garden for Revo after dinner. Having faith in the Lord works! Can't wait for tonight's PARTY :D

T_T

I wanted to put "Torture" as the title for this post, but I'm afraid it'll cause some misunderstanding. TorTure = T_T

Haha. Just nice! So now I'd think when someone puts T_T , he/she means "torture" xD

So, it's the 9th day I'm in KL already. Things have been quite tough. But some things are nice too. I realized I haven't been posting much about my spiritual life which I think I should do that more often...?

I wasn't in a good mood starting yesterday morning when some random guy came & tell me that the release of SPM results is this Wednesday(tomorrow!) D: WHAT?!?! So soon?! And STPM results were out yesterday. I didn't know Malaysian examiners are so efficient in carrying out their responsibilities! 

I wanted to go back. The original plan was to go back on Friday but now, I wanna go back even sooner. NOW if possible. No, I'm not homesick, but I just don't like it here.I packed my stuff and if God permits, He'll provide bus ticket for me to go back to Kuantan.

Both my sisters are so bossy, I can say. I wonder why aren't they like other girls who are so nice to their siblings. Its in the blood maybe? I'm so tired of people telling me what I should & should NOT do. I'd appreciate them if they're good advises but sorry, they're not. Why can't I do it my way? Who made you king of everything? 

I was stressed out and didn't feel good. I didn't even eat dinner and I don't feel hungry until now. The DiGi internet thingy is killing me. I didn't click anything and it charges like ALOT! 3 bucks gone in a few seconds. Hello? What's wrong with you?

I cried. I cried to God. I complained about almost everything. He shunned me from complaining and He made me listen to what He wanted to say. He talked to me and it was so real. Why am I feeling so stressed is not I don't tell Him EVERYTHING. 

Telling Him big stuff is not what He wants from me. He wants EVERYTHING. every single feeling I have(especially the sad ones). Then I started listing out all the distaste I'm keeping to myself. And of course, He reminded me of the good things that happened too. I felt so much better. 

1 Peter 5:7 says Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

It says ALL. Not SOME. Not a FEW. This is what I learnt from Him yesterday. I feel better,but still a lil' bitter. But I'm learning to trust Him for better things to come. Amen!

=O

Can't believe I haven't been updating after so long. It has been fast, after 1 month I worked in mega View Hotel, Kuantan, now I'm officially a KL girl. Well, that sounds kinda bad. I wanna go back home, in exact, go back to MVH. Owh how I miss that time.

Here, its a early night late morning culture. I didn't really have a culture-shock but I really hope I can have a normal working hours and mealtime. for the past 2 days I bathed after 12am because I had dinner during supper. That's bad! I know.

The most visible update, I got myself a specs. After 6 years of waiting, at last I got it. I  have been fond of wearing specs since I was 12 (this explains the 6 years part) but my eyesight is still good. Thank God! But I'm using the PC most of the time and now that I have a smarter-than-the-one-I-had phone, a specs with computer lens seems quite appropriate,yeah?

I took such a long time to try on different frames because I REALLY don't look good in specs. And after getting the one that I thought it's the best, I still don't look very nice :(

Then,my extra income is when the company has events and they need people to help.Like my case,I get extra pay if it's an outside event. This Friday which is tomorrow, I'm supposed to do nail art! Which gave me quite a valid excuse to paint my nails. It's my very 1st time painting them in black. All this while I only have nail polish in the pink color family. And I put on nail stickers too! I feel so 'lala' suddenly D:

Office isn't really an office. It's a house but we are supposed to do office work here. So, I'm here. And there are animals in this house too. Why? Adran aka Jelly is a clown and magician and...(he multi-tasks) so he needs some animals to enhance his magic tricks. At the back, there are pigeons and rabbits! Besides, there's a dog too. I don't know what is she doing here laa. Her name is Tomato. Quite cute but nobody bathes her. That's quite sad hor... 

 She's super active when she sees me. May be because I'm the only that plays with her in the house? Yeah. I think so too. Kinda wish Terry is as active as her. But Terry is TOO big >_<

Yesterday they brought me to this Taman Cahaya place which is actually Taman Pertanian Malaysia. I didn't know they have Taman Pertanian in Selangor too. The only place I have been so far that has so many trees! Haha. Trees are endangered species in the KL/Selangor area laa, right? :)

 This is the orchard. 

Durians on a tree! :D

I didn't go there to play or for visitation laa~ The is an event tomorrow that will be carried out there so we went to look around the place. 

So that's about it for now. Praying for the best to come :D

:)

After so long, yes I'm gonna blog again. Just one post. Or may be two. I don't really think anyone's reading it but I'm telling myself that you care ;)

So, the real SPM trials are over and now preparing for Pra-SPM which is the fake trials. Well I don't see the point for it takes up another 2 weeks which means we have 2 weeks less to study. If we're studying >_<

YES I AM studying! xD

No news from the JPJ so I'm not having much hope that the schedule of SPM will be amended. Which means I might not be going for ACTS Teens camp this year. =(((((((


There's one thing that's bothering me a lot this 3 days. I can't even recall what's velocity and momentum. If I have ever known what are they =P

YES I DO know! xD

It's not a 'he' but a 'she' which is weird. People who heard my so-called 'problem' will ask either 'Are you a lesbian?' or 'Is she a lesbian?' 


-.- NOOOOOO!!! Can't girls have super best friends?!?! But she's not my super best friend. I'd kill myself +_+

She's just bothering. I'm so fed-up but I can't give up on her since I made a promise. Stupid!

Get lost laar~ I need to study for SPM xP



-wink-

One of the worst days in my life...!

I didn't wanna blog about this but since it's so horrible and that you're reading. Fine. Here you go.

One of the worst days in my life...! I don't really have a list but I just marked them as one. I remember the worst was everything didn't go smoothly from the moment I woke until the moment I rested my head on the pillow at night. Scolding. Scoldings. And more scoldings.

Today wasn't so bad because I was with a friend. Yes. Just Friend.

1st, Auntie Carin is back from China with both of her kids and another Korean boy. Shocked to know that his parents would let him follow another lady to an unknown country that he hasn't been there before. I wonder if the parents have heard of MALAYSIA.

We went out for lunch. A boring one but it's okie. God blessed me.



I told her I wasn't at home. Check your phone,dude! But the lady went to my house to pick me from...the bus station I guess? Man... Mistake #1.


Then, movie time. I wanted to watch something else as long as it's not Inception. But, she didn't want to. 1st time watching movie with her, fine, I gave in. Mistake #2.

So we walked around and waited for the time to pass. The show was at 3.30p.m.
I thought of going home at 4pm but... I got no transport home. We watched. I snoozed. You have no idea how short is my attention span nowadays. Unless it has something to do with Jay Chou ^__^V

The show was boring I can. The only thing that was interesting was when the gravity was gone and people started floating. They fought in the air floating too! Can you imagine how fun is that? 

Mistake #3. We watched a movie that lasted for 2 and a half hours. Man! It ended at 6pm. During the whole movie, my parents called 3times. 3 TIMES!!!

Got home with a heart that was beating abnormally. I asked her to get down the car to just say Hi or whatever, showing that I didn't go out with a guy! She said okie in the beginning, but refused at the end. I knew I couldn't trust her. Mistake #4.

Dad asked her to get down the car somehow. I didn't know how he asked although I was already out of the car. She came down. I went in and closed the gate. Why? As if I was trying to protect her from my dad's blazing anger. I think it didn't work.

Dad sorta scolded me in front of her, asking her not to bring me out anymore which means grounding me in exception going for tuitions. Enwei is gone and she's gone. No more driver. No offence, Enwei.


She was smiling the courtesy smile though I made a face at her. She didn't text me or anything so I assumed that she wasn't happy about the lecture. Fine. Just don't text me. I won't reply either.


The one good thing about dad is...Well not only one but for now, I can only see one: After scolding, he won't continue nagging. It's like nothing ever happened. But, when mum wanted to bring us to the mall, he asked me to get into the house loudly. Means he shouted. Then, he went out himself and left me all alone at home. That's ironic. What's the point grounding me? And I can't see the one good thing in him anymore...

Owh 6 A's and above...Owh straight A's for SPM. You better come quick because I wanna leave Kuantan like NOW.
 If not, Form 6 will be my only choice. Wait, I don't even have a choice. What to do. I'm not the 1st or 2nd daughter that my parents will spend all the money to support them in their tertiary studies. Now I wonder where does all my 16 years Ang Pau money have gone to.

I'm 17. Just that I was allowed to use this year's Ang Pau money.


I have gone too far. One of the worst days in my life. Yupe, this is it. Owh, that Inception show. It's my 2nd movie I regretted watching.

try to read it?

몇 가지 일들이 그 어떤 사람들은 몰라도 돼있다. 나는 한국 드라마에 당신은 아름다워요 (Enwei 덕분에!) 할까 내가 한국에서이 게시물 그래서 기다리는거야예요 이후. 충분히주의 경우 당신은, 당신은이 게시물을 찾을 줄 읽으려고 시도하는 방법을. 그래서, 난 이미 언젠가 상당히위한하지 않은 조나단되었습니다 얘기합니다. 4 월 12 일 이후 지금까지. 내일은 내 생일이다. 윌은 그가 무슨 짓을하는지 살펴보십시오. 아 ... 난 이미 그를 그리워! T__T

몇 가지 나와 Jia Wern 사이 우리 각 사람 하루 종일 다른 얘기하지 만든 일이 있었는지. 그것은 분명 그녀가 내게 화를이야 아니면 내가 그녀의 화가이야. 그녀는 그냥 Ashvini 옆에 앉아있을거야.가끔은 내가 어떤 가까운 친구가 없어요달라고. 그렇다면, 그렇다면 자신의 감정에 대해 많이 나는 어떻게 내 기분을 지킬 수 없어 신경 필요가 없습니다. 난 아주 가까운 친구가 소원하지만, 내가 그렇게 나는 그를 갈 수 / 그녀가 내가 얘기 좀 해 ...

어쨌든, 마지막 일요일 나는 목사님 여호수아 Khong 반대했다. 나는 그 단어는 "반대"는 적합하거나 것이 아니라 난 그저 그에게 불리 갔어요 여부를 모르겠어요. 그는 내게 나쁜 응답했다. 사실은 상처의 일종 이죠. 난 내 침대에 있기 때문에 그와 같은 바보 목사의 부르 짖었다. SPM에는 그냥 빨리 마무리하고 JS 쿠안탄에 참석하고 휴가 및 KL기를 이동과 사도 행전 교회의 구성원이어야 싶어요.

SPM results

Today is the announcement day of 2009 SPM results. A day of hope, disappointment, laughter, tears, happiness, sorrow, thankful and regret...
Can't believe my ex-head prefect got 10 A+ but 1 B+. As usual, Chinese. Spoiling the cert. But, no choice, I still have to take Chinese.

Sadly, this is the day where I'd see you in school. Well, not so if I choose to not step out of my class. I really don't know why are you so angry with me. Just because of what I told you? Forget about that laaR~ it's NOTHING!

Not answering my questions, not replying my texts. Fine! If that makes you happy...

__helplessly helpless__

Dot dot dot

You said you tried, and gave up.

I tried too, but you made me give up.

I regretted texting you. You suck!

You suck to the ends of the earth for hurting my friend like that, A.L.!!!

Feel like punching you but my I'll hurt my hands.

End of the story?

Sorry, I saw your note that you wrote to her. I was very curious. This curiosity hurt me badly. I know times are different, that the gift, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter anymore. 

I know I can't talk to you in the way I was used to. I know there are a lot of things that I can't do anymore. 

Most of the time, things that you say to me, make me wanna continue holding onto you. But the things that you do, clearly showing that you're not worth it anymore. 

Again, I'll hold this hurt, and look forward to another rainbow~ 

Hope I'll not regret doing this. Good bye for now~ =]

Where's Mr. Right?

Every Sunday, there will be the National Service participants will attend my church service. For the past 3 months and 21 days, I haven't been really look at guys. Even when I see nice-looking guys, I'll just look away for I knew I can't really look at them. LOL!

So then, now I'm free, uncontrollably those hormones are produced again. [Blaming my hormones! >__< ]  I was talking aka complaining to Enwei, Alfred and Hendriq about some stupid person, and HE walked in. He's wearing specs and a black NS cap. Natural tendency, I looked up and he was looking at me. I smiled at him and he smiled back! 

Internal monologue: Wow! He's kind of cute eh! xP 

So I continued talking, suddenly and unintentionally, I looked back, there he came walking past again. I smiled at him again, he smiled back again! Flirtatious I know! *blush*

Then service started. I was looking around for him which Enwei would say that I'm stalking. May be I was? =P

I went up to the stage during choir performance and I spotted him! He's wearing a white beany. 

Internal monologue: Hmmm... he didn't look as cute as he was when I smiled at him just now. *blur~* Who cares~

Later, most of the NS people went out. They were going back soon. I told Enwei that I wanted to give the mandarin oranges I got this morning to them. Ahhh... She just wouldn't do that with me~

Instead, Alisson agreed to come with me. SO we went. though I hesitated. Scared. Nervous. My heart was beating so quickly I could feel that it'd come out any time. 

And Alisson was like: "Jasmine, go do your thing."

"You're wasting time."

"I go in arh~"

"faster laar~"

Internal monologue: Owh c'mon Jasmine! Why are you so scared?! Aren't you used to do these?!

Fine! So I went at last. I gave it to the guy with the beany. Alisson had 3 more oranges. So I asked her to give to those on the other side. Thinking as long as I have given it to that guy, nothing else matters ^__^

Proudly, I went back into the church. After church, everyone wanted to see who's that guy. So I showed them. They didn't think he's cute. Which I agreed with them. Why him? I wondered...

Then, Alisson pointed at the guy that [accepted] her oranges. And I was like: that was the guy that I smiled at! Owh wait, means, I gave the wrong guy!!!! T_____T

While whining, I showed them Mr. Right. 

"OWh no I gave the wrong guy! How can this happen? I gave the wrong guy!..." 

--repeats infinity times~

Then Mr.Right left. He didn't look at me anymore and didn't smile at me. Where else Mr. Wrong gave me a weird smile. I was like: ahhh...not you. get lost! >__<

Sounds like it's good that I'm back?

However, I think I'm still the same. I still miss you ;)

--Your text brightens my day! ^^ --

=P

I'm not asking for a U-turn... 

I just want you to know that I still miss you. 

Like A LOT!!! =P

Nah~ not gonna 

take care of myself 

since no one 

cares anymore~ 

 

2nd day--1st time

The 1st day without you wasn't that bad. 

Though during lessons, 

I'd still stare blankly at the view outside the window, 

sighing and sighing...

The 2nd day which is today is so much worse. 

It's just hard to admit : I miss you.

I cried. 

sobbing sadly. 

thinking of the past. 

thinking of the future that will never come. 

Still wondering, why did this happen. 

Is this the best plan for me, Lord? 

This is what happened after I surrendered myself to Him~

Waiting by my phone when I wake up, 

anticipating a text that wishes me "good morning!" 

Looking at my phone every minutes, 

waiting for a text that will never come. 

It rings, but it'll never be you.

Holding my phone, hoping for someone,
to wish me "nitez". 

Give me good night kisses.

Now, I no longer care whether I'm safe or not. 

No longer mind if I hurt myself or not. 

No longer whining when I cut myself. 

No longer eat when I don't need to. 

Because, you won't care if I'm in danger. 

You won't mind if I'm hurt. 

You won't comfort me when I cut myself. 

You won't make me eat when I don't want to. 

I need to release my stress. 

Without AYe, I can still go work put myself. 

I ran at the school field. 

Felt so carefree. 

But the feeling, its just temporary. 

Looking for my socks, but I can't find it. 

trying my best to avoid the shelf at the corner, 

because I know,
the socks you bought for me
they are inside.

You have impacted my life so badly that, 

when you're gone, 

I'm left hanging in the air lifelessly. 

No! I'm not asking you to come back. 

And also won't want you to come back.

Look at things around me, 

can just remind me about you. 

All that you've done for me, 

all that we've done together. 

Every single thing, 

is whispering your the sound of your name. 

I can't regret I said that to you. 

But, it's too late.

I didn't know it affected you that much. 

I'm sorry~ guess you won't accept it...

I'll survive without you. 

But I'll not be the same anymore.

I'm changing.

I need to grow up!

Bye

Wow! What a blast! So many things have been happening that I can't even know where to start from. 1st, I got a new blog and ended up deleting it because I can't have the template that I want =__=

Yeah. Very stupid I know.

2ndly, I learnt a few techniques of self-defense during Taekwondo today. They're really interesting. I can scream and shout, I can run, and now, I can fight! ;) Well, at least defend myself from any physical attack =P

I'm seriously serious that I was seriously being myself during that time. Gahh... people say Benjamin is a whole lotsa fun to hang out with. Ask Alyson! 

BUT! I'm not appreciated. Gosh! hate that feeling. As a sir, well, he shouldn't be calling his students names, and to be frank, I'm hurt.

It's not my fault that I'm not allowed to go for training. 

It's not my fault that Christians can't learn Taekwondo.

Yeah, who on earth asks me to join Taekwondo? 

It's not my fault that the stupid admin dissolved my previous unit?!?!

//// Don't worry. Without you, I cannot still survive. ////

Regret soon?

Because of you once again,
I did something that I've never thought of doing.
Not even in my dreams...
But you,
because of YOU.
I did it...
I got scared,
I got nervous, (for no reason)
I got angry,
I got soooo.... like last year. The moment you came into my life, I knew it would not be the same anymore...
The past is the past. I would not want it to happen again...

I don't wanna to have anything to do with you~

No...

NO! I DON'T WANT...

that's all I can say... Again after 2 months, you brought up the same excuse to leave me. I told you how I'd be without you, but, you still ask me that...

NO! Without my agreement, you can't do that to me...

You wanna make me happy, but you don't know how much hurt you can cause me even by saying that to me...  You're UNBELIEVABLE! T_________T


Don't give up on me so easily. Don't give up on us so easily... Can you?

I'm I Me Mine Myself...

There's something in my mind that I was always afraid to confess. Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud so that the whole wide world would know what is in my mind. After a second thought, I know I can't. Because the consequences are hard to bear.

I'm Jasmine. So what? I'm DFA [Desperate For Attention]. So what? I always talk very loudly. I like to scream and shout. I like release stress like that. I like to ask a lot. I like to sing in class. I like to laugh out loud. I like to do whatever that I like to do. SO WHAT?!?!

I go for things that I like. I insist on owning things that I want. If hinting is not enough, I'll ask. I'll give up soon if I don't get it. One day, if I stop asking, you can conclude that I don't want you anymore...

I'm tired of making changes in me. I'm tired of tolerating useless complaints. I'm tired of being someone that pleases other people. Who's going to please me???

I'm tired of thinking: If I'm like that, may be he won't like it. So, I better not.

I AM WHO I AM. I don't wanna do make changes in me that I don't look like me anymore, I don't act like me anymore. If you like it, God bless you. If you don't, that's your problem. God bless you more. Take it or leave it. No more stupid useless unnecessary sacrifices... No more...

[Thanks to Jonathan for editing that photo for me. What he wrote gave me the courage to be myself :) ]

There's no turning back...

What already happened, it already happened.

Benjamin:......

.... So many things happened recently that I can't mention everything here. But I felt heartache for her. The last time she got hurt so badly was because of AYe. She took quite some time to "recover", to be like herself again. I was so glad :D

But when she was let loose just for few months, she got hurt again. It was my fault. I didn't look after her properly. I didn't stand in her way when she was about to get hurt...

Now, what can I do? Stop her from getting involved? She won't listen to me. She'd rather get hurt again than being away for long. The least I can do now is to protect her again. From mentally and emotionally hurt.

I will make sure she will think more than twice before deciding on something. Especially whether to do something. I will make her opt out if I see danger ahead. No matter what, I will protect her from being hurt again. Even though I'm not needed..."

Talk To Me

It hurts me more when you're hurt.

From last time (when I grew slightly more mature) until now I've been emphasizing on the  

importance of  

COMMUNICATION!!!

Since it's over, what more can I say?

--Talk to me--

--Don't believe easily what the 3rd party has to say--

--O Lord, rescue me!!! T__T --

School

School is a disaster. With disasterous teachers and disasterous homeworks!!! Gosh I'm hating school already. Teachers give homeworks like we live to do them. Like we live FOR them only. teachers give homeworks like they're free of charge! Which of course they're not. Waste time waste paper waste money waste oxygen shouting in desperation.

Daddy, I don't wanna go to school. I don't wanna sit for SPM T^T