because...

It is because I'd rather wait for you.

If the old one is still here, the new one won't come~

Give me some time ;)

*screams!!!*

[Click to enlarge] ^^

  

  

 

I'm not bad eh? =PP

--No need to be sorry.--

--I disagree with what you say--

Where's Mr. Right?

Every Sunday, there will be the National Service participants will attend my church service. For the past 3 months and 21 days, I haven't been really look at guys. Even when I see nice-looking guys, I'll just look away for I knew I can't really look at them. LOL!

So then, now I'm free, uncontrollably those hormones are produced again. [Blaming my hormones! >__< ]  I was talking aka complaining to Enwei, Alfred and Hendriq about some stupid person, and HE walked in. He's wearing specs and a black NS cap. Natural tendency, I looked up and he was looking at me. I smiled at him and he smiled back! 

Internal monologue: Wow! He's kind of cute eh! xP 

So I continued talking, suddenly and unintentionally, I looked back, there he came walking past again. I smiled at him again, he smiled back again! Flirtatious I know! *blush*

Then service started. I was looking around for him which Enwei would say that I'm stalking. May be I was? =P

I went up to the stage during choir performance and I spotted him! He's wearing a white beany. 

Internal monologue: Hmmm... he didn't look as cute as he was when I smiled at him just now. *blur~* Who cares~

Later, most of the NS people went out. They were going back soon. I told Enwei that I wanted to give the mandarin oranges I got this morning to them. Ahhh... She just wouldn't do that with me~

Instead, Alisson agreed to come with me. SO we went. though I hesitated. Scared. Nervous. My heart was beating so quickly I could feel that it'd come out any time. 

And Alisson was like: "Jasmine, go do your thing."

"You're wasting time."

"I go in arh~"

"faster laar~"

Internal monologue: Owh c'mon Jasmine! Why are you so scared?! Aren't you used to do these?!

Fine! So I went at last. I gave it to the guy with the beany. Alisson had 3 more oranges. So I asked her to give to those on the other side. Thinking as long as I have given it to that guy, nothing else matters ^__^

Proudly, I went back into the church. After church, everyone wanted to see who's that guy. So I showed them. They didn't think he's cute. Which I agreed with them. Why him? I wondered...

Then, Alisson pointed at the guy that [accepted] her oranges. And I was like: that was the guy that I smiled at! Owh wait, means, I gave the wrong guy!!!! T_____T

While whining, I showed them Mr. Right. 

"OWh no I gave the wrong guy! How can this happen? I gave the wrong guy!..." 

--repeats infinity times~

Then Mr.Right left. He didn't look at me anymore and didn't smile at me. Where else Mr. Wrong gave me a weird smile. I was like: ahhh...not you. get lost! >__<

Sounds like it's good that I'm back?

However, I think I'm still the same. I still miss you ;)

--Your text brightens my day! ^^ --

=P

I'm not asking for a U-turn... 

I just want you to know that I still miss you. 

Like A LOT!!! =P

Nah~ not gonna 

take care of myself 

since no one 

cares anymore~ 

 

2nd day--1st time

The 1st day without you wasn't that bad. 

Though during lessons, 

I'd still stare blankly at the view outside the window, 

sighing and sighing...

The 2nd day which is today is so much worse. 

It's just hard to admit : I miss you.

I cried. 

sobbing sadly. 

thinking of the past. 

thinking of the future that will never come. 

Still wondering, why did this happen. 

Is this the best plan for me, Lord? 

This is what happened after I surrendered myself to Him~

Waiting by my phone when I wake up, 

anticipating a text that wishes me "good morning!" 

Looking at my phone every minutes, 

waiting for a text that will never come. 

It rings, but it'll never be you.

Holding my phone, hoping for someone,
to wish me "nitez". 

Give me good night kisses.

Now, I no longer care whether I'm safe or not. 

No longer mind if I hurt myself or not. 

No longer whining when I cut myself. 

No longer eat when I don't need to. 

Because, you won't care if I'm in danger. 

You won't mind if I'm hurt. 

You won't comfort me when I cut myself. 

You won't make me eat when I don't want to. 

I need to release my stress. 

Without AYe, I can still go work put myself. 

I ran at the school field. 

Felt so carefree. 

But the feeling, its just temporary. 

Looking for my socks, but I can't find it. 

trying my best to avoid the shelf at the corner, 

because I know,
the socks you bought for me
they are inside.

You have impacted my life so badly that, 

when you're gone, 

I'm left hanging in the air lifelessly. 

No! I'm not asking you to come back. 

And also won't want you to come back.

Look at things around me, 

can just remind me about you. 

All that you've done for me, 

all that we've done together. 

Every single thing, 

is whispering your the sound of your name. 

I can't regret I said that to you. 

But, it's too late.

I didn't know it affected you that much. 

I'm sorry~ guess you won't accept it...

I'll survive without you. 

But I'll not be the same anymore.

I'm changing.

I need to grow up!

Bye

Wow! What a blast! So many things have been happening that I can't even know where to start from. 1st, I got a new blog and ended up deleting it because I can't have the template that I want =__=

Yeah. Very stupid I know.

2ndly, I learnt a few techniques of self-defense during Taekwondo today. They're really interesting. I can scream and shout, I can run, and now, I can fight! ;) Well, at least defend myself from any physical attack =P

I'm seriously serious that I was seriously being myself during that time. Gahh... people say Benjamin is a whole lotsa fun to hang out with. Ask Alyson! 

BUT! I'm not appreciated. Gosh! hate that feeling. As a sir, well, he shouldn't be calling his students names, and to be frank, I'm hurt.

It's not my fault that I'm not allowed to go for training. 

It's not my fault that Christians can't learn Taekwondo.

Yeah, who on earth asks me to join Taekwondo? 

It's not my fault that the stupid admin dissolved my previous unit?!?!

//// Don't worry. Without you, I cannot still survive. ////

Regret soon?

Because of you once again,
I did something that I've never thought of doing.
Not even in my dreams...
But you,
because of YOU.
I did it...
I got scared,
I got nervous, (for no reason)
I got angry,
I got soooo.... like last year. The moment you came into my life, I knew it would not be the same anymore...
The past is the past. I would not want it to happen again...

I don't wanna to have anything to do with you~