One of those days...

I was organizing my photos in Friendster and realized something: Friendster sucks badly.
And found all those pictures I once have taken and uploaded. Memories are back...
But I still miss Svinina =X

This was taken during Jessel & Chiew Tze's wedding dinner.
Alisson, Wilfred and I.
That time she still had her long hair and my short hair.
How nice...

This was my first time taking photo with Jonathan with my long hair~
I think it was when I was form2.
How much we have changed...

This was taken when I was form 2 after straightening my hair.
Now, she [Harn Jun] changed a lot.

The Holy Spirit~

Quoted from Pastor Sandra Chin (ACTS Church):
[The Holy Spirit] He is our helper,our guide. He is the power in our lives. And what men cannot fulfill, God by His Holy Spirit does that for you. The Holy Spirit knows how you feel, He helps you pray, He quickens your spirit to know. To turn to the left or to the right. To be silent or to speak up. But we must build the relationship with the Holy Spirit. We can't just speak about Him and put Him aside. But we have to build that relationship with Him everyday, recognizing Him in my life.

Quoted from Pastor Mark Brand (US):
How the Holy Spirit helps us?
1. Be things that we need to be, that we could not be without His help.
[eg: Patient, loving, gentle,kind etc.]
2.To know things that we do not know, that we cannot know without His help.
3.To say things that we need to say and cannot say without His help.
4.To do things that we need to do and cannot do without His help.

......................................................................................
You appeared beside me in class.
Something that happened once and for all.
Shocked and surprised and nervous as I was.
I put my head on the table.
Did you see me?
Did you know I was sitting there?
Did you see that I was avoiding you?
After so long, we have never been together.
I wanna talk to you.
Svinina, I miss you very very VERY much!
May the Holy Spirit help me in doing the right thing. Comfort me, O Lord.

Cheating

Most common cheat: Cheating in exam.
Did I do that? I don't know. I was offered answers. But I said: Dear, I wanna do myself =)
WWJD is the question and answer for everything!

While I searched for pictures, these are what I found. Hilarious!

What would you feel if you're the wife? Haha xD

Gosh! Can this really happen?!
May be they'll have cramp sooner or later. Hah! =X

What's next?! >.>

1st time

and hopefully the last~

I went to Mega today. Was supposed to meet up with someone but things changed. Last minute, the person couldn't make it. So, forget about it!
Then while I was waiting, I went to F.O.S. and did this for the 1st time in my life!
Trying out clothes, take photos and put them back. LOL =X

I'm so krispy~
>__<

This shirt is S. I wonder am I fat or this shirt is small?

how do you feel?

How do you feel
When someone hates your friend
Your good friend
Your best friend
Your special friend
I feel bad
and sad
why do they have to hate other people for no obvious reason
and call them names?
I know why
'cause they're weirdo =__=
Thank you so much for your wish and blessings
It meant more than you thought
It gave me so much courage today
2 more weeks to go
is your blessing still valid?

LOL

Final year exam...

Final year exam starting tomorrow.
And I'm still online here.
So much not studied and revised yet.
I'm dying.....~

I wanna work!
I'm working soon!
I wanna earn money!
And buy a camera! yay!!!

October 17

I helped out at the Megakids Kindergarten.
On the 17th of October.
At Pei Chai school hall.

And I saw this boy! He's very very VERY cute.
His hair is so stylish and his dad is very young! =D
I wonder what does that supposed to mean? =P

He purposely didn't wanna look at the camera =/

This was another boy. I made him take photo with me after going to the toilet. Lol
I miss my kindy years too. With my lil' crush. Hmmm... =X

I'm sad =(

I wish I didn't see you today.
You've made my day.
I think.
May be we're not friends anymore.
TTFN~

Won't Even Start

What happened
After last summer
When we broke up
In September

I haven't seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
It's always there no matter where I've been

So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that’ll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
That's the best
I can do for you

Cuz you'll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah it's hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know it'll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
I'll pretend that I didn't see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that’ll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

-thanks to Alisson-

SDHWSG!

I went hiking today. Again.
I went alone. Again.
I went in the morning. Again.
I cycled there myself. Again.

Unlucky me. I saw few Aunties today. Gosh they were so talkative. They can talk about everything. Plus, they mentioned something like "the bride is 3 years older than the groom".
1st time I got so offended with them.
In my mind: What's wrong with a older girl marrying a younger guy?
Swt -.-

I walked past them. But they were not slow either. In the end, I gave up. 1st time in my life. I gave up hiking up Bukit Pelindung. I stood there. Too exhausted. Panting hard. My feet urged me to turn around and go down.

Looking those talkative women in front of me. I turned around and started walking down. I felt like I'm defeated. Why didn't I have the strength to carry on?

Was it because I lost someone? Or because I got someone? I think I still miss her. Very much. Which is a bad thing. Sorry, Chien Li. I've disappointed you.

Suddenly God spoke: You shouldn't give up so easily. What have I been teaching you?
I stopped. Yeah, He's right. Why should I give up so easily? Where's that strong and courageous Jasmine?

I turned around and started walking up again. Real slow. Enjoying God's presence. Enjoying Pelindung's nature path. Which I didn't have time to do that usually.






Tut tut tut...


I went back to school to look for my 2nd life. For those who know what's my 2nd life. yeah I lost it and have been looking up and down for it.
That's when I saw that SDHWSG.
And I got scolded for going into the school.
What is wrong with him?!

There's always new things to learn in a new relationship with a new person.

I've known Svinina for 3months and 2 days. I thought I would stop counting days and forget about her. But it seems that I can't unless I have amnesia or some sort. It's not hard for me to notice her in school. Her hair, her height, her back, her skirt. Everything about her is so significant. But, are we still friends?
Well, I don't know. Of course I still wanna stay as friends. Let that moment freeze, and we'll be friends forever.
No. I don't wanna avoid her in school. I wanna approach her and say hi and play along as we used to. But this few days I saw her with her good friend which people thought she's her "girlfriend". Nevermind I guess. I'm not that important anyway. My presence won't make any difference.

NOW IS THE TIME TO SHIFT MY HOPES AND DREAMS and... ATTENTION!!!

Thanks to Svinina, I've grown and learnt more after knowing her. All the torturing and tearful days. I realized that not everyone will reciprocate your love as you sacrifice your love for them. But still, some people will appreciate us!
I'd rather face a flower than suffering so much. Sorry, I'm selfish. I can't afford to put myself in a position that I might get hurt again.

-Svinina: Still friends?-
-Love,Ben'JazZ xD-

Funny facts!

Funny facts. Sometimes really can't believe it's happening~

#1. I've only seen him once in my whole 15 years, 9 months, 14 days, 21 hours of my life and still counting. May be twice for I didn't know it was him in the 1st place.

#2. I've only spoken to him on the phone twice. Plus once 2 years ago but ended up talking to his sister =__=

#3. A flower fell in love with a flower.
Can a guy fall in love with a guy? Hmmm... xD

#4. It wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. It's still hard to believe that it happened!

Sorry you little boy. [Mua ain't available anymore.]

-Ghee~-
-Ben'JazZ xD-

SDHDFA?!

P/S: SDHDFA stands for Super Duper Hyper Desperate For Attention.
I found something fun to do with last Sunday. And of course I enjoyed it. [very much!]
Partner in DFA-ness : Enwei? Nope. It's Enwei's huge gigantic jacket!
Look who's this? LOL kinda obvious right? xD

Q-ing up at KFC~

Bad lighting. Front view.

Peace V !

If you're curious, yes I wore that walking around the mall. Because my shades are dark enough and people can't see through my shades even though they're standing near.
So people walked pass me giving me that "What's-wrong-with-her" look. Nope It's not embarrassing. I enjoyed the attention. [very much!]
I can see the look on their faces. Soooo funny! Haha xD

Last Saturday night...

How did I spent this year's Mooncake Festival? Something different too!

Lantern and mooncakes!

Alisson & I.
[She's a busy businesswoman that can't leave her phone for awhile.]

This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine~

Enwei & Chien Li

Chien Li & Kevin. Look at his face~

Wilfrey!

Light the candle!

This was the "spot".

Haha! It was so boring til this DFA girl thought of doing something challenging. Her partner in crime: Alyson Kok!

"Hello people! Can you see me?!"

And I got scolded after doing this. I actually thought of pretending that I slipped. But I was afraid if I "slip", I couldn't get up. So, I didn't do that...

-More to come~-

What do I want now?

I'm online at school now. There's so many things that I wanna blog about since I didn't blog for quite sometime. But I'll only choose some. I'll blog about the rest back home then.
1st: I'm sooooo tempted. Form5s had their small Accounts test today. That's why we moved to the computer lab. And which is the reason why I'm online now. I wanna go to the school hall so badly. They have finished the test. Which means they're free now. Should I go and just pretend nothing happened between us and say hi? Or should I look for other people and ignore her presence. No, I definitely I shouldn't. Right, forget about her.

2nd: I heard something shocking yesterday. Well, not very shocking anyway. My friend said to me: "I think I'm a bisexual because I'm attracted to Svivina." I was like: "Excuse me?!"
How can she be a bi? And her "partner" is Svinina?! How can someone be attracted to her in that way?! Well, obviously someone can. But still!
Then later she said: I like her. When I see her, I feel something. Like something?! What?!
Owh no...teacher is in. Can't blog more then...

-to be continued-

A visit...

Compressing my mixed feelings and emotions, I went up to Bukit Pelindung. Disappointment, anger, hatred, fear. I once heard someone said whenever she's sick or angry, she'd go exercise. I can understand if she says angry, but sick? how to hike or exercise when someone is sick? But I found it quite helpful.

Independent girl like me hates depending on medicine to get well after fell sick. I forced myself to walk up quickly. Not with the speed that I'm used to. Though I couldn't really breathe on the way up, but I forced myself up no matter what.

I was trying hard to get a new record of reaching one of the peak and come down in a shorter time. So, nothing much happened. Sweated so much! After 2 weeks of not going to Pelindung because of my hair, even I went today and I'm back, I still miss Pelindung =(

I was timing very carefully. According to my experience, I shouldn't be around the foot of Pelindung at 6ish so that I can avoid seeing someone and that she can avoid seeing me. Which the latter is the main point. When I reached the foot, I was relieved though I saw her dad. Should I say hi? Should I greet him? Did he recognize me? He didn't smile when he turned back and glanced at me. So I guess he didn't recognize me. Blah~

Relieved because I only used 42 minutes to finish hiking up and down. My new record!!! I'm so proud of myself. Though it's not really fast, which Jo said he only needs 30 minutes, but I'm working hard here!

Inevitably, I saw her. She shouldn't be there at that time. But it's just hard to avoid. She saw me, I saw her. Same questions in my mind. Should I say hi? Should I greet her?
Benjamin: JazZ! You're supposed to avoid her! If not, what's the timing all about?
Straight away I looked in front and walked off. Then I used my towel to cover my face. I was keep repeating: Owh my gosh! Owh my gosh! Owh my gosh!
I panicked. Though it's nothing, but I hate that feeling. we were once quite close, at least we greet when we see each other. Now? Avoiding and walking off. I almost cried. But I knew I can't cry. I couldn't cry there. Plus my mum was coming. Can't let her see my tears flowing down after hiking Pelindung.

I forced my tears back again. How depressing.

At night, MYFers were supposed to go to church for choir practice. In my car I was in my gloomy mood, til I was thinking to just lean on Chien Li's shoulder and express everything to her. I wouldn't force back my tears if they're about to flow out. But then, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He said I shouldn't be like this. I can't say that I'm weak and just be weak. I have to be strong and stay strong. It's not gonna be easy so I have to get up! No point mourning for nothing. Well, I made the Spirit to talk in slow motion 'cause I was still down and tired. Couldn't really digest His scoldings =X
So, I'll just get up and at least forget about what happened in the evening for a while. At least forget about it when I was with the MYFers. So that's what I did.

Jasmine was back! V

LOL. Being DFA. Being myself!

I can play the guitar! [not]

Then as usual, we went for supper. Mainly because I was following Enwei's car and she hasn't taken her dinner. [As usual]
Alisson and Alfred followed too! And we had fun!
We went to this restaurant which I didn't know it existed until today.

Restaurant Chan Poh something?

This was the Yam Bun I had for supper.
See that purple dot on top?

And these were: Fork Grilled Bun.
[directly translated from Cantonese.]

And of course! the Siew Mai!
My nickname =X

Enwei started laughing at expressions that I made. Owh c'mon! I can't see my expression! I wanna laugh too! At last there's someone that can talk to me about the "expressions" and "faces" that I make. Hello?! It's natural okie? I won't realize that I'm actually doing that! She took some photos of me when I was talking. tried out how I'd look like when i'm "expressionless". Which always gives other people an impression that I'm angry aka bu shuang. But at least they told me the disadvantages of those expressions. Instead of judging me just like that. Need to put mirror everywhere so that I can be aware of my expression. Laugh at myself all the time.

-Swt!-

like?

Can't go online for the past 2days because of the rain and thunder + lightning. Can't risk living my computer again. Though only temporarily. Lots of things I had in mind to blog. But they're not important now.
Recently, I've been reading this book entitled [The Friendship Factor] after a friendship breakdown I had recently. However, yesterday I found out that it didn't really "breakdown" though. Well, forget about it.

There are a lot of things that I've learnt from this book. Points and elaborations are given on how to get along with people. Family, friends, spouse, whoever. But sad to admit that I have just a few points in me. *sigh*
But I'm willing to learn and improve myself! =D
Hope Svivina can read this too. Change her firm (and wrong) point of view.

My latest piece of art! LOL =X


I miss Bukit Pelindung. Haven't gone up for sooooo long. But I'm busy with drama competition. Stayed back almost 1 whole week this week. Who wants to go with me? Heheh =P

::Ben::